If He'd Ever Had My Vote, He Would Have Lost It Now

I agree, Mr. President. Being drunk DEFINITELY makes your healthcare plan more palatable.

Unless you're living under a rock, you've heard the saga of the black Harvard professor who was locked out of his house and allegedly got belligerent with police when they were called in to investigate...which led to the professor's arrest. Things escalated last week when the president commented on the situation, and invited the professor and arresting officer to the White House for a frosty beer and a pow-wow.

That'll be happening in about 6 hours from now, by the way.

Now, I'm no fan of the president. His politics and mine are like oil and water...or, more aptly, liberal and conservative. As a long-time beer fan, however, I was intrigued to hear that the president invited these guys for a beer rather than a glass of wine, or a latte. For all the faults that I think President Obama may have, I thought it was pretty cool that he was a guy that could kick back with a good beer.

So, a day or so ago, the White House Press Office released the drink menu for the "Beer Summit." Dr. Henry Gates, the arrestee (for lack of a better term), will probably be drinking Red Stripe (a Jamaican beer). I've tried Red Stripe before, and wasn't very impressed with it. Sgt. Crowley, the arresting officer, will be drinking Blue Moon. I've had Blue Moon too. The flavor has a hint of pine in it. It's what I've always imagined Pine-Sol might taste like. Translation: Blue Moon tastes like crap.

What beer will our president be drinking? He's a pretty sophisticated guy, right? With that in mind, I thought that maybe Barry O would choose something like Sam Adams, Killians, Fordham, or National Bohemian (brewed down the road from the White House in Baltimore). Nope. What kind of suds will the prez be swilling this evening? Bud Lite.

Bud Lite? Seriously?

Keep in mind, I'm no beer snob. I've had them all over the years, even a few Budweisers. However, when you can have a great tasting beer owned and brewed by an American company like Sam Adams, why drink something that tastes slightly worse that horse urine and is brewed by a Belgian company? That's right! Budweiser is no longer American-owned. It's owned by a bunch of smelly Europeans (more specifically, a company known as InBev)!

Even members of the president's own party are criticizing the choice. According to the Boston Globe, Congressman Richard Neal (D-MA), sent a letter to the president suggesting that Sam Adams be served.

So why did the president choose the less than impressive Bud Lite? Maybe because, despite the change of ownership, Bud is still the most popular beer in America; maybe the most popular worldwide. Drinking the "King Of Beers" could be a great way to appeal to all those folks who perceive Obama as an "elitist." Or maybe he's trying to appeal to the Christian Right. After all, even Jesus drinks Bud.

I'm On The TV!!! (Don't Blink, Or You'll Miss Me)

Now He's Shouting Slogans At Angels

They say celebs die in threes. Leave it to Billy Mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!

In all honesty, I think I'll miss Billy Mays more than Kid Toucher and Nip Slip (MJ, and Farrah) combined.

PS. Is it time to rename this blog "The Blog Of Death"? This is the second death related post in a row.

Michael Jackson Dead

Rest in peace, Freak-A-Zoid

Hey...I can't be 100% serious!

Someone Thinks I'm Good At Stuff

Thanks to Chrissy, I've been nominated for the Kreativ Blogger Award. No, I didn't get hit over the head really, really hard. That's how the name of the award is actually spelled. As with any high office, responsibility comes with the honor of being selected. I have to put a Kreativ Blogger logo in my blog. I've done that. I have to tell everyone 7 things I love. You'll be able to find that below. I also have to nominate 7 other people for the award. The sad truth is, though , that most of the people I follow have already been nominated. So I'll nominate the ones I can right now, and hold an "application process" to see who gets the rest of the nominations. So, start your ass kissing now!

7 Things I Love

1. The Simpsons

2. My GPS navigator

3. My friends and family

4. Samuel Adams (the beer, not the dude...but the dude's pretty cool too)

5. Just about any movie with Denzel Washington

6. Peace and quiet

7. Anything written by either Dave Barry or Jack Handey

And The Nominees Are...

...and now I'm a grownup

Journey And Adventure

Five more nominations to go. Will YOUR blog be one of the next five nominees? Make checks payable to Judge Fudge. Email me to find out where to send the checks.

I Can't Drive 05

I used to have a job that was only about 15 minutes from my home. It was great. I could leave my house 20 minutes before work, and still get there with 5 minutes to spare. The short commute was one of the reasons that I really loved that job. All great things must come to an end, though, and I was laid off from that job last year. I've been working at my new job for most of 2009. This job is great, but it comes with a 35 minute commute into and across the city of Lafayette.

After experiencing several months of the way things operate on the roads in Lafayette, I've come to the conclusion that there is one of two things happening:

1.) The city hates its residents.

2.) This city is being run by dickweeds.

Yeah, I know...I'm a deep thinker. Aristotle had nothing on me.

What brought me to such highbrow conclusions? Traffic gridlock.

"C'mon," you're saying, "every city has traffic."

To you I say "C'mon" is not a word, and you should be ashamed of such flagrant misuse of the apostrophe!

True, every city has traffic...Especially on its roads. What makes the city of Lafayette unique is that it seems to go out of its way to prolong traffic congestion and frustrate the mother-loving bejeezus out of guys like me!

Example: The city has, for the last 5 weeks or so, randomly shut down lanes of highway traffic and/or street traffic during morning and afternoon rush hours. Why do they do it? They are, I kid you not, repainting the little lines on the road.

DURING F**KING RUSH HOUR!!!!!!!!!

One day, I saw a lane blocked off while a couple of guys pried off those little reflective light thingies from the road. Last week, traffic was being redirected while three First Grade flunk outs swept the highway with pushbrooms.

They were sweeping the highway with pushbrooms.

Sweeping it.

With pushbrooms!

We're traveling at 5 miles per hour in one lane of traffic so that they can make the road look pretty?

That's frustrating. I think everyone can agree with me on that. Hell, though, at least the street is being blocked off for a purpose. There's nothing worse than a street with dirt on it, or a street where all those little lines are faded. At least those guys are working at something.

What really makes me mad is a certain road in town that's always blocked off with those big, orange candy corn cones, or barriers that say LANE CLOSED. Yet, when average folks like me crawl by, deftly avoiding all the dullards that are trying to swerve into the one open lane at the last minute (Seriously, if you're dumb enough to wait until you're right in front of the big flashing arrow before you try to merge into the one good lane, you deserved to be ignored), you see absolutely no one working on the blocked off lanes.

Maybe these guys work at night. If that's true, though, then why don't they schedule line painting, road sweeping, and reflective light thingy prying for nights too?

Will things ever change? Can guys like me complain enough to the city government to make things change? Is that thing on the top of my head growing?

These are questions I can't answer. I do know one thing, though. Commuting would be a lot more relaxing if we were allowed to drink beer while driving.

Greed Is Good (Not Really)

I'm a straight guy, but I've got no problem with gay people. I do have a problem with bisexuals, however. Come on! You're just being greedy! Save some for the rest of us.