Monday, June 8, 2009

I Can't Drive 05

I used to have a job that was only about 15 minutes from my home. It was great. I could leave my house 20 minutes before work, and still get there with 5 minutes to spare. The short commute was one of the reasons that I really loved that job. All great things must come to an end, though, and I was laid off from that job last year. I've been working at my new job for most of 2009. This job is great, but it comes with a 35 minute commute into and across the city of Lafayette.

After experiencing several months of the way things operate on the roads in Lafayette, I've come to the conclusion that there is one of two things happening:

1.) The city hates its residents.

2.) This city is being run by dickweeds.

Yeah, I know...I'm a deep thinker. Aristotle had nothing on me.

What brought me to such highbrow conclusions? Traffic gridlock.

"C'mon," you're saying, "every city has traffic."

To you I say "C'mon" is not a word, and you should be ashamed of such flagrant misuse of the apostrophe!

True, every city has traffic...Especially on its roads. What makes the city of Lafayette unique is that it seems to go out of its way to prolong traffic congestion and frustrate the mother-loving bejeezus out of guys like me!

Example: The city has, for the last 5 weeks or so, randomly shut down lanes of highway traffic and/or street traffic during morning and afternoon rush hours. Why do they do it? They are, I kid you not, repainting the little lines on the road.


One day, I saw a lane blocked off while a couple of guys pried off those little reflective light thingies from the road. Last week, traffic was being redirected while three First Grade flunk outs swept the highway with pushbrooms.

They were sweeping the highway with pushbrooms.

Sweeping it.

With pushbrooms!

We're traveling at 5 miles per hour in one lane of traffic so that they can make the road look pretty?

That's frustrating. I think everyone can agree with me on that. Hell, though, at least the street is being blocked off for a purpose. There's nothing worse than a street with dirt on it, or a street where all those little lines are faded. At least those guys are working at something.

What really makes me mad is a certain road in town that's always blocked off with those big, orange candy corn cones, or barriers that say LANE CLOSED. Yet, when average folks like me crawl by, deftly avoiding all the dullards that are trying to swerve into the one open lane at the last minute (Seriously, if you're dumb enough to wait until you're right in front of the big flashing arrow before you try to merge into the one good lane, you deserved to be ignored), you see absolutely no one working on the blocked off lanes.

Maybe these guys work at night. If that's true, though, then why don't they schedule line painting, road sweeping, and reflective light thingy prying for nights too?

Will things ever change? Can guys like me complain enough to the city government to make things change? Is that thing on the top of my head growing?

These are questions I can't answer. I do know one thing, though. Commuting would be a lot more relaxing if we were allowed to drink beer while driving.


  1. I think those first grade flunkouts are getting the last laugh. That's called job security, my friend.

  2. You know, you may have stumbled on to something here. I mean, if you're only going 5 MPH, how much trouble could being drunk really cause? So . . . roadside bars right before the construction site. Just drive up and get your drinks.

    An idea whose time has come, if you ask me.

  3. Chrissy: Those bastards! I think you might be right!

    Chris: We actually have daiquiri stands with drive through windows down here. We're all supposed to operate on the honor system and not take any sips until we're safely off the road. It's the most dishonored honor system in the world!

  4. Holy Sh*t that would make me insane!! ~ sigh ~

    Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day.