Saturday, April 2, 2011
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Since I know you all hang on my every word, you've probably wondering where I've been this summer. The truth is that I've decided to move on to bigger and better things in the blogging world. I've had a lot of fun here on Blogspot and I don't plan to delete this blog. However, I've decided to move to I Don't Know You, But I Probably Don't Like You 2.0 on Wordpress. Stop by and say hi. Don't worry. Since I know you all crave my feedback, I'll still stop by here and read/comment on your latest updates. For now, though, I'll see you 'round the Blog-O-Sphere.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
"The evidence is strong that these two human groups came across each others' tools." Apparently, I'm watching the Erotic History Channel
That's it! You Twitter followers have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to Clown College!11:25 PM Mar 20th via web
Rockapella is coming to the Heyman Center. Keep your Lady Gaga bullspit, Rockapella's the band I want tickets to see.10:59 PM Mar 22nd via web
You stupid wretches!11:13 PM Mar 22nd via web
Sorry, democracy. I guess Obama's just not that into you.9:38 AM Mar 23rd via web
You chicanerous dogs!10:54 AM Mar 24th via web
If General Electric and Alitalia Airlines ever merged would they name the new company Genitalia?11:20 PM Mar 24th via web
So...how many minutes into the Rockapella show will it be before someone yells "Sing Carmen San Diego!"4:52 PM Mar 25th via web
Also, what are the odds that that person will be me?4:52 PM Mar 25th via web
A certain cat would be ill-advised to pee on the robe of the guy who feeds him.10:16 PM Mar 26th via web
If he does it again,I'm going to explain to him how they used to string tennis rackets in the old days.That'll give him nightmares for weeks10:20 PM Mar 26th via web
I'll be celebrating #EarthHour by force-feeding my used motor oil to squirrels. Be part of the solution, man!9:23 AM Mar 27th via web
The fact that Oprah is narrating this show on the Discovery Channel completely kills all enthusiasm I had for it.5:02 PM Mar 28th via web
The term "Dudevorce" is almost as disturbing as Vajazzle.9:37 PM Mar 29th via txt
Great! A Vagisil commercial right before bed. Now, I'll have nightmares!about 23 hours ago via web
Monday, March 29, 2010
I recently read an article in the New York Post (which I don’t make a habit of reading, I promise) that was written by the guy originally tasked with writing one of the biggest cinematic dog turds of all time: Battlefield Earth.
Battlefield Earth, for those of you who don’t know, is a novel penned by L. Ron Hubbard; the guy who invented (yes, invented) the “religion” known as Scientology. The Post article (written by J.D. Shapiro) chronicles how he basically visited a Scientology center in Los Angeles in an effort to meet women. That visit led to him writing the screenplay for the cinematic version of Hubbard’s Sci-fi story. It’s a good article, and you should check it out if you can find it.
Anyway, the article reminded me of my very own brief brush with Scientology. I’m always looking for great topics for my blog, so I thought I’d tell all of you about my experience.
This takes place way back before your ole’ pal Judge Fudge was handed his gavel and powdered wig. It was 2005, and I was working as a sales associate in a shoe store. One autumn evening when I was sweeping up the floor, a young woman walked in wearing a backpack and carrying a clipboard. I was sweeping right near the door, so she came up and introduced herself to me. She said that she was doing a consumer survey. That, coupled with the clipboard and backpack, made me think she was probably doing a survey for a college course she was taking.
I immediately had two thoughts:
1. 11. This is something a store manager should be dealing with.2. I don’t have time for this bulls*it.
So, I pawned the woman off on our assistant manager Stacy (who was the only other employee in the store that evening). A minute or so later, the woman came back and said “Stacy said it was ok if you took the survey.”
Well played, Stacy.
All told, the young woman wasn’t bad looking, and since I figured her to be a college student I assumed that she was roughly my age. I figured that instead of finding a nice way of telling her “I don’t have time for this bulls*it,” I’d indulge her for a few minutes.
The woman started off by asking me pretty inane questions. They were the kind of questions that are designed for everyone to say “yes” to. Questions like “Do you often feel negative emotions?” and ‘Have you ever had an unhappy relationship?’
Anyway, she and I go through about 15 or 20 of these questions, and finally she asks, “What would you say if I told you there was a book that could help you with all of those things I asked you about?”
What I said was “I’d love to learn more.”
What I was thinking was “Awww, crap! If she pulls the Book of Mormon out of her backpack, I’m going to shove it up her ass!”
Turns out she had something much worse: Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard.
At this point, I’m thinking “Is it 'Just' to fake interest in a religion just to possibly get a date with this woman?”
I determined that since Scientology is a fake religion, faking interest wasn’t unjust on my part.
I made small talk with her for about 5 minutes. That’s when she, in passing, mentioned her husband. Seconds after that was when I finally noticed (duh), the gold ring on her finger!
Long story short, the woman had gotten my mailing address and email address before I noodle through the fact that she was going to be going home to a another brainwashed Thetan. As a result, I still (despite moving to a new address in the years since 2005) get nonsense in the mail from this fake religion.
So, Mr. Shapiro of the New York Post and I have something in common. Our respective “little buddies” have gotten us both in trouble with a religion that worships space aliens and (ironically) hates psychologists.Oh well. At least I got out before I was asked to write one of the worst movies ever made.