Sunday, January 24, 2010

Dear World

Louisiana, most of the Gulf Coast, and I will be unavailable tomorrow. Geaux, SAINTS!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Twitter Thursday!

It's that time again, America! Twitter Thursday!

"Penis ensmallment" is my new favorite phrase.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Twitter Thursday!

You thought I forgot, didn't you? Well, I didn't. It's time for the blog sensation that's spreading across the 7 continents like a highly contagious, and super sexy virus: Twitter Thursday!

Watching Master and Commander. Is there anything more fun that watching Russel Crowe kill filthy French people?

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Jay Leno Needs A Good Cock Punchin'

Hey, NBC! Here's a paper bag.

Can you program your way out of it? Apparently not.

For those of you who don’t know, atheists were proven wrong this past weekend when the world was given rock solid proof of God’s existence: The painfully mediocre Jay Leno Show was cancelled.

In case you didn’t get it yet, I’m not a Leno fan. His comedy acumen is about as sharp as a plastic fork. As biting as a toothless Appalachia shack dweller. He appeals mainly to the Social Security set, soccer moms, and folks who are wowed by bright colors.

Here’s a little background on this story: Jay decided sometime in 2008 that he didn’t want to retire from his Tonight Show gig in 2009 like he had planned. He whined about possibly going to another network and competing with the Tonight Show and its soon to be host Conan O’Brien. In other words, big chin decided to start acting like a supreme dick.

NBC caved, and gave Leno a prime time version of his Tonight Show called The Jay Leno Show (or as I heard someone describe it recently: The Happy Chin Fun Time Hour). In the process, a lot of NBC prime time dramas ended up being cancelled, which put a lot of writers and behind the scenes people out of work.

Even before the Jay Leno debacle, NBC was struggling to beat Univision in the nightly ratings race (And for good reason. I don’t speak Spanish, but I’ll admit that Mexican soap operas are better than NBC’s godawful sitcom Parks and Recreation.).

It’s gotten worse since Jay Leno’s prime time experiment. The man who was such a ratings grabber in late night has become a ratings black hole in prime time. Not only are Leno’s ratings abysmal, his show is hurting NBC affiliates across the country. For example, the 11:00pm newscasts of many of NBC’s affiliates have lost viewers since Leno has moved to prime time. WBAL in Baltimore, for example, went from having a number one rated late night newscast to a distant second.

So Leno’s been cancelled. However, the kind of milquetoast lands on his chin once again! NBC is rewarding him for failure by moving him back to 11:35 for a half-hour “comedy” show. They’re hoping that moving Leno back to his old time slot will regain that old Late Night magic.

As a result, new Tonight Show host Conan O’Brien gets screwed again. There’s talk about moving the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate Leno.

This would be a moot point probably if the Tonight Show was still riding high in the ratings. Unfortunately, Conan has been beaten by David Letterman almost every evening since taking over Jay Leno’s old spot.

The short-sighted execs at NBC, desperately struggling to reshuffle the deck chairs on the Titanic, seem to forget how Leno struggled in HIS first months as the Tonight Show’s. Watch the movie The Late Shift to see a great chronicle of that affair, and how Jay leno supposedly hid in a closet to spy on NBC execs who were badmouthing him during those turbulent months.

While Jay was given the chance to succeed on the Tonight Show, Conan has NOT been given the chance. It’s a real shame. Yes, Conan is an acquired taste, but he’s absolutely hilarious (don’t forget, he wrote several episodes of The Simpsons that are considered some of the greatest episodes of the series). Given time to hone and refine the show, I have no doubt Conan deliver great ratings.

Since I started my rough draft of this post, Conan has decided to jump off of the Titanic rather than stay on the sinking ship. He stated in an open letter to “People of earth” that he will not stay with the Tonight Show if NBC tries to move it from its 11;35 start time (which it has held for nearly 60 years). He also slammed NBC’s lack of support, and Leno’s abysmal prime time ratings, saying “It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.

I don’t often take pleasure in the failure of others. However, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t rooting for Leno to fail miserably if he’s returned to late night. Sooner or later this big chinned nitwit is going to stop falling up. I hope it’s sooner rather than later.

By the way, this ALL of this could have been avoided if NBC had given the Tonight Show to Letterman in 1992 like Johnny Carson wanted…Just sayin.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Twitter Thursday!

It's time for the hot new crazy that's sweeping the...region. It's Twitter Thursday! I thought this was a slow week, until I started looking through my Twitter profile. I had quite a few thoughts that I thought were publishable, and I ended up with more this week than I did last week. Enjoy!

The holidays are over. Everyone can resume hating each other again in 3...2...1...