Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Now He's Shouting Slogans At Angels

They say celebs die in threes. Leave it to Billy Mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!

In all honesty, I think I'll miss Billy Mays more than Kid Toucher and Nip Slip (MJ, and Farrah) combined.

PS. Is it time to rename this blog "The Blog Of Death"? This is the second death related post in a row.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Michael Jackson Dead

Rest in peace, Freak-A-Zoid

Hey...I can't be 100% serious!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Someone Thinks I'm Good At Stuff

Thanks to Chrissy, I've been nominated for the Kreativ Blogger Award. No, I didn't get hit over the head really, really hard. That's how the name of the award is actually spelled. As with any high office, responsibility comes with the honor of being selected. I have to put a Kreativ Blogger logo in my blog. I've done that. I have to tell everyone 7 things I love. You'll be able to find that below. I also have to nominate 7 other people for the award. The sad truth is, though , that most of the people I follow have already been nominated. So I'll nominate the ones I can right now, and hold an "application process" to see who gets the rest of the nominations. So, start your ass kissing now!

7 Things I Love

1. The Simpsons

2. My GPS navigator

3. My friends and family

4. Samuel Adams (the beer, not the dude...but the dude's pretty cool too)

5. Just about any movie with Denzel Washington

6. Peace and quiet

7. Anything written by either Dave Barry or Jack Handey

And The Nominees Are...

...and now I'm a grownup

Journey And Adventure

Five more nominations to go. Will YOUR blog be one of the next five nominees? Make checks payable to Judge Fudge. Email me to find out where to send the checks.

Monday, June 8, 2009

I Can't Drive 05

I used to have a job that was only about 15 minutes from my home. It was great. I could leave my house 20 minutes before work, and still get there with 5 minutes to spare. The short commute was one of the reasons that I really loved that job. All great things must come to an end, though, and I was laid off from that job last year. I've been working at my new job for most of 2009. This job is great, but it comes with a 35 minute commute into and across the city of Lafayette.

After experiencing several months of the way things operate on the roads in Lafayette, I've come to the conclusion that there is one of two things happening:

1.) The city hates its residents.

2.) This city is being run by dickweeds.

Yeah, I know...I'm a deep thinker. Aristotle had nothing on me.

What brought me to such highbrow conclusions? Traffic gridlock.

"C'mon," you're saying, "every city has traffic."

To you I say "C'mon" is not a word, and you should be ashamed of such flagrant misuse of the apostrophe!

True, every city has traffic...Especially on its roads. What makes the city of Lafayette unique is that it seems to go out of its way to prolong traffic congestion and frustrate the mother-loving bejeezus out of guys like me!

Example: The city has, for the last 5 weeks or so, randomly shut down lanes of highway traffic and/or street traffic during morning and afternoon rush hours. Why do they do it? They are, I kid you not, repainting the little lines on the road.


One day, I saw a lane blocked off while a couple of guys pried off those little reflective light thingies from the road. Last week, traffic was being redirected while three First Grade flunk outs swept the highway with pushbrooms.

They were sweeping the highway with pushbrooms.

Sweeping it.

With pushbrooms!

We're traveling at 5 miles per hour in one lane of traffic so that they can make the road look pretty?

That's frustrating. I think everyone can agree with me on that. Hell, though, at least the street is being blocked off for a purpose. There's nothing worse than a street with dirt on it, or a street where all those little lines are faded. At least those guys are working at something.

What really makes me mad is a certain road in town that's always blocked off with those big, orange candy corn cones, or barriers that say LANE CLOSED. Yet, when average folks like me crawl by, deftly avoiding all the dullards that are trying to swerve into the one open lane at the last minute (Seriously, if you're dumb enough to wait until you're right in front of the big flashing arrow before you try to merge into the one good lane, you deserved to be ignored), you see absolutely no one working on the blocked off lanes.

Maybe these guys work at night. If that's true, though, then why don't they schedule line painting, road sweeping, and reflective light thingy prying for nights too?

Will things ever change? Can guys like me complain enough to the city government to make things change? Is that thing on the top of my head growing?

These are questions I can't answer. I do know one thing, though. Commuting would be a lot more relaxing if we were allowed to drink beer while driving.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Greed Is Good (Not Really)

I'm a straight guy, but I've got no problem with gay people. I do have a problem with bisexuals, however. Come on! You're just being greedy! Save some for the rest of us.