Sunday, November 8, 2009

Kiss My Fall Backside!

Ever since I was a kid, I looked forward to “Springing Forward.” It meant longer afternoon, and later sunsets. It meant I could spend more time outside doing things kids do (catching junebugs, burning ants with magnifying glasses, insider trading, mercenary work in Central America, etc). It was always a sure sign that summer (and the end of the school year) was just around the corner.

On the other hand, I always thought that “Falling Back” blew dead bear. It meant shorter afternoons. It meant that soon, the air would get colder. It meant that the school year was underway again. Falling back was a big ole’ basket of suck!

Now that I’m out of school, working hard, and looking 30 squarely in the eye (only a year and a half to go until that magical day), I still think falling back sucks. Things are different now. Instead of shorter days meaning less time to play outside, it means driving home in darkness (or duskness…Is that a word?).There’s nothing I love more after a hard day at work that having to drive home in the cold and the dark! It’s a real spirit lifter! Seriously! This is why more people kill themselves during the f**king winter!

I’ve spent my evenings this past week looking at my watch and being continually astonished that it’s only 6 or 7:00PM. “How the hell can it only be 7:00?” I ask myself. “It feels like it’s nearly 9:00! I’m astonished!” Since I'm alone when I ask this, there is no one there to answer me. That fact begs the question, why do I keep asking questions when there’s no one there to answer them? Maybe I’ve finally gone insane. That, however, is the topic for another blog (unless I’m put in a straight jacket and hauled away before then).

There’s another fly in the ointment of this whole time change nonsense. Sometime in the past few years, they changed the dates in which we spring forward and fall back. The change made Daylight Savings Time (or as I call it “The Good Time”) last for a longer period during the year. Now, back about 5 years ago, I bought a fancy new clock to keep on my nightstand. It has a radio, has the date and day on the digital display, and has the option to change the display to almost any color under the rainbow (the current color is green). Another feature (which was great at the time) was the one that would automatically set the clock either forward or backward one hour on the days in which DST was set to start and end. Now that DST has been extended, which now causes it to start and end on different dates, my fancy clock is completely discombobulated (and I fear it may never be combobulated again!). As a result, there’s at least one weekend in the spring and fall in which I wake up not knowing what the hell’s going on timewise!

This “Standard Time” is the tool of Satan! A quick, random Google search (I’ll be dead in the cold, cold ground before I use Bing) will demonstrate that I’m not alone in my hatred of falling back. Let’s petition Congress to do away with this vile practice, and keep Daylight Savings Time as our standard time all year. We can attach an amendment to the healthcare bill. We might as well get SOMETHING good out of that piece of crap!

…But that still won’t help recombobulate my clock.


  1. I love you for using REcombobulate and DIScombobulate all in the same post...

    I've been having the same problem with the time change. I think I was a farmer in a past life. I wake up when it gets light (which is NOW way too early) and go to be when it gets dark (which AGAIN is way too early).
    So I'm on your bandwagon to have this time change revoked.
    Where's the petition...

  2. Talking to yourself is a sign of pure intelligence - at least that's what my friends tell me. The friends might actually be imaginary, but whatever.

    In any event, I will jump on whatever bandwagon your rolling...I HATE this fall back crap too.

  3. IKR? We can blame DST on George Vernon Hudson and his bug-lovin' little black heart - though Ben Franklin started stirring the pot long before George. (I learned this from LOU over at KATHRYN's blog. Of course being the skeptic that I am, I had to confirm it on ... where else?... Wikipedia! Because, God knows, they know everything.)
    Yeah, let's rid ourselves of this foolishness. I'm in. Add me to the angry mob...

  4. Great stuff, Judge. This is hilarious, and excellently written. So, it's my honor to present you with the "Knucklehead Post of the Week"! Stop by my site and grab the award badge from my sidebar.

    Good work.

  5. Wow! This post has got people talking!lol

    @f8hasit: You know, my parents have done the same thing for years. I wouldn't be surprised to hear that they're going to bed somewhere between 7:30 and 8:00 this evening.

    @Dive Girl: I'll tell the guys with the giant butterfuly net what you said when they come for me. Maybe it'll get me off the hook! Thanks for stopping by!

    @Cynica: You're added to the mob...And I never trusted Ben Franklin. Now I know why.

    @Knucklehead: It's an honor! This is the first award I've gotten since the last one. I'm proud to be a fellow knucklehead!

  6. Hey Fudge. You could always move to Arizona where they don't practice the springing and falling. Don't know if any other states do that but I know AZ does cuz my friend lives there.

    Great post!

  7. I'm right there with you - give me a petition and I'll sign it!

  8. @Theresa: Arizona might be nice. At least there would be less humidity than there is down here in Louisiana.

    @flong: Ok, I think it's time for me to draw up an actual petition!