Kiss My Fall Backside!

Ever since I was a kid, I looked forward to “Springing Forward.” It meant longer afternoon, and later sunsets. It meant I could spend more time outside doing things kids do (catching junebugs, burning ants with magnifying glasses, insider trading, mercenary work in Central America, etc). It was always a sure sign that summer (and the end of the school year) was just around the corner.

On the other hand, I always thought that “Falling Back” blew dead bear. It meant shorter afternoons. It meant that soon, the air would get colder. It meant that the school year was underway again. Falling back was a big ole’ basket of suck!

Now that I’m out of school, working hard, and looking 30 squarely in the eye (only a year and a half to go until that magical day), I still think falling back sucks. Things are different now. Instead of shorter days meaning less time to play outside, it means driving home in darkness (or duskness…Is that a word?).There’s nothing I love more after a hard day at work that having to drive home in the cold and the dark! It’s a real spirit lifter! Seriously! This is why more people kill themselves during the f**king winter!

I’ve spent my evenings this past week looking at my watch and being continually astonished that it’s only 6 or 7:00PM. “How the hell can it only be 7:00?” I ask myself. “It feels like it’s nearly 9:00! I’m astonished!” Since I'm alone when I ask this, there is no one there to answer me. That fact begs the question, why do I keep asking questions when there’s no one there to answer them? Maybe I’ve finally gone insane. That, however, is the topic for another blog (unless I’m put in a straight jacket and hauled away before then).

There’s another fly in the ointment of this whole time change nonsense. Sometime in the past few years, they changed the dates in which we spring forward and fall back. The change made Daylight Savings Time (or as I call it “The Good Time”) last for a longer period during the year. Now, back about 5 years ago, I bought a fancy new clock to keep on my nightstand. It has a radio, has the date and day on the digital display, and has the option to change the display to almost any color under the rainbow (the current color is green). Another feature (which was great at the time) was the one that would automatically set the clock either forward or backward one hour on the days in which DST was set to start and end. Now that DST has been extended, which now causes it to start and end on different dates, my fancy clock is completely discombobulated (and I fear it may never be combobulated again!). As a result, there’s at least one weekend in the spring and fall in which I wake up not knowing what the hell’s going on timewise!

This “Standard Time” is the tool of Satan! A quick, random Google search (I’ll be dead in the cold, cold ground before I use Bing) will demonstrate that I’m not alone in my hatred of falling back. Let’s petition Congress to do away with this vile practice, and keep Daylight Savings Time as our standard time all year. We can attach an amendment to the healthcare bill. We might as well get SOMETHING good out of that piece of crap!

…But that still won’t help recombobulate my clock.