Twitter Thursday

Reality shows on the History Channel! I guess next they're going to stop playing music on MTV or something.3:25 PM Mar 13th via web
The words I will live by from now on:"Vegetables. They're what food eats."9:27 PM Mar 14th via web
ABBA in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame? That makes about as much sense as giving Obama a Nobel Peace Pri...Oh, wait.7:39 AM Mar 15th via web
The New Orleans EarthFest sponsored by British Petroleum.I'm going to call Don Rumsfeld and ask him if he wants to sponsor Peacefest8:03 AM Mar 15th via web
Another earthquake hit Japan. It's only a matter of time before Godzilla is awakened from his underwater slumber.12:23 PM Mar 15th via txt
As long as your ole' pal Judge Fudge is alive, it is NOT accurate to declare that everybody loves Raymond.1:02 PM Mar 16th via web
Gimme back that fillet of fish. Gimme that fish.7:49 PM Mar 16th via web
What if you were made into a tasty fish treat? If it were YOU in that sandwich, you wouldn't be getting this tweeeeet.7:49 PM Mar 16th via web

Twitter Thursday

I feel like I'm in a Twilight Zone alternate reality where I'm the only one who realizes what an unfunny, vulgar dolt Sarah Silverman is.8:29 PM Mar 4th via web
Fruit Stripe Gum was always like the retard of gums when I was growing up..8:47 PM Mar 5th via web
Guess who has two thumbs and doesn't give a rat's rear end about the Oscars.9:57 AM Mar 7th via txt
The History Channel should combine the shows "American Eats" and "American Pickers" and produce a new show called "Picking and Eating."1:44 PM Mar 7th via web
You stupid wretches! I hate you all! :p1:51 PM Mar 7th via web
I wonder if Ted Kennedy's sober yet.1:55 PM Mar 7th via web
No one ever pays me in gum :(8:16 PM Mar 8th via web
Learned a new word today: Vajazzle. I'm pretty sure its why terrorists hate our country.10:30 AM Mar 9th via web
The LAST thing we need is for circus freks to unionize.8:51 PM Mar 9th via txt
Chuck Norris is only a few months younger than my grandma.If they were both single met and liked each other Chuck Norris could be my grandpa12:10 PM Mar 10th via web
Would I call him "Paw Paw Chuck" or "Paw Paw Norris?"12:11 PM Mar 10th via web
Who am I kidding? I'd just call him "Sir."12:11 PM Mar 10th via web

Shhhhh, Don't Tell The Pedophiles

Do you get a free kid with the rental of two or more movies, or is Movie Gallery branching out into other fields?

Vajazzling Makes Me Want To VaVomit!

I learned a new word today. I'm pretty sure it's the most annoying, ridiculous thing I've ever heard of, and just the fact that there IS a word for this pisses me off. Today's secret word is: Vajazzle.

If you don't know what vajazzling is, it's basically a new fad in which women put rhinestones on their crotches.

Yes...that's right.

Rhinestones...

...On their crotches.

Think about it like this: Bedazzle+Vagina=Vajazzle.

Is there any doubt that those four horsemen will be showing up any day now?

I heard about this pop culture dog turd thanks to a nationally syndicated radio show that I like to listen to when I'm getting ready for work. Apparently, it's not a new phenomenon. A couple of months back, actress Jennifer Love Hewitt talked about bedazzling her "precious lady" during a talk show appearance. "It shined like a disco ball," Hewitt gleefully reported.

Like a good blogger, I spent the last hour shirking all work-related responsibility to do a little research on vajazzling. There are sites that call it out for the ridiculously idiotic concept that it is, sites instructing you how to vajazzle, and even one that calls it...I kid you not..."classy."

Do they mean classy in an ironic kind of way, or in a meth addicted 19 year old stripper wearing a halter-top that says "Classy Lassy" kind of way?

You know, there are a lot of people that say that Al Qaeda and other terrorist groups hate us because of our freedom, or because the average Westerner has so much disposable income. I used to think the same thing...Until today. They don't hate us because of our freedom, they hate us because we choose to do nonsense like this with our freedom and our money.

After today, I can't help but sympathize with the terrorists slightly.

Now before I get a bunch of letters and phone calls from the ACLU and Amnesty International asking for donations, let me say this: If I were president, water-boarding would be the least of a terrorists worries. If I were in charge, we would be strapping jumper cables to the nipples of the folks at Guantanamo and shooting a couple of hundred volts through them every morning before breakfast.

Still...I can't help but sympathize with them a little after hearing about this vajazzling nonsense. Think about it: Hundreds of thousands in these Middle Eastern countries don't have running water, they don't have jobs, they still go to the bathroom in a hole in their backyards.

Meanwhile, rich white American women have the time and money to get costume jewelry glued to their cooters!

Cue the Lee Greenwood music, because I'm proud to be an American!

Twitter Thursday

Call me juvenile but I laugh when I hear the term "Man on man coverage"4:46 PM Feb 28th via txt
Canada beats USA at hockey. We still beat them in everything that matters.4:55 PM Feb 28th via txt
Black History Month is officially over. White History Year officially resumes.10:09 AM Mar 2nd via web
Trailer parks are meth colonies waiting to happen.about 24 hours ago via web
I'm pretty sure TiVo's only a year or two away from gaining sentience.about 16 hours ago via web in reply to senatorwest
A great name for an obsessive compulsive classic rock band: OC/DCabout 6 hours ago via txt
If I were Gov Patterson's (the blind NY Gov) lawyer I'd research whether or not the ethics laws he violated are available in braille. If not, instant alibi!about 5 hours ago via web

Twitter Thursday On A Monday

There used to be an old radio DJ that I loved. He went from doing a morning show to an evening shift. In the radio world, that's the equivalent of a demotion, but he rolled with it pretty well. He started doing announcements on the station he was on saying, "Did you hear? I'm doing my morning show at night!" This is just a long, rambling way of saying that I I'm doing Twitter Thursday on Monday because I've been to busy (ie. Lazy) to post Twitter Thursday for the last couple of weeks. So here's two weeks worth of Twitter wisdom for you.

Ok...In retrospect, maybe "The Grapist" was not the most politically correct idea for a grape soda mascot.10:10 PM Feb 11th via web
February 14: V-Day. February 15: VD-Day...The Aftermath.12:16 AM Feb 15th via web
How come fat people are the only ones with big bones?8:39 AM Feb 15th via web
President's Day Fact: George Washington spent 7% of his $25,000 per year presidential salary on booze.7:30 PM Feb 15th via web
I had no idea that Tiger Woods' mom is Yoko Ono!11:09 AM Feb 19th via web
I get the feeling that the Winter Olympics were established so potheads in Aspen could win gold medals that they could pawn for more hash.11:55 AM Feb 19th via web
They need to change the name of this History Channel show from "Lock N Load" to "R Lee Ermy Gets Paid To Shoot Stuff"5:41 PM Feb 19th via txt
When I saw "The Queen" was playing on AMC, I thought maybe someone had finally filmed a biopic of Boy George's life8:07 PM Feb 20th via web
Well, well, well, I guess America is better than you at EVERYTHING, Canada.8:56 PM Feb 21st via web
I AM the law!12:46 AM Feb 23rd via web
"Actual amounts of hope and change may vary."#Obama2012Slogan4:17 PM Feb 24th via web
"F**k you, America!" #Obama2012Slogan6:39 PM Feb 24th via web

Super Bowl Memories

Well, the game is over. The Saints won. Here I am, a week later, finally sobering up. Ok, maybe I didn't celebrate quite that much. Super Bowl Sunday was a long, thrilling, alcohol and adrenaline fueled day for my friends and I, though.

I thought that while the game was still fresh in everyone's mind, I'd take the time to post my observations of the game.

First of all, it's pretty exciting that everyone across the country knows the term "Who Dat?' now. Even Dave Barry mentioned it in his most recent column. He opines that us Saints fans use it as some sort of radar/sonar to locate each other. I have to admit that it's MUCH easier to find other Saints fans in a crowd by yelling "Who Dat?" and listening to see who yells it back.

I'm a little disappointed, though, that my more grammatically correct "Who is that who proclaims that they are going to defeat those Saints" didn't catch on this season.

It's Not A Super Bowl Ring, But It's A Start

I'm a Peyton Manning fan. Not only is he from right here in Louisiana, but he's a class act. I was rooting for the Saints last Sunday, but I wouldn't have been devastated if the Colts had won. That's why I was satisfied to hear that Peyton and his brother defeated Double Trump in the Double Stuff Racing League championship. He's a shoe in to be named MVP of the league. His only competition is goldbrickin' bastard Eli.

Most Inadvertently Funny Super Bowl Moment Captured On Film

Juvenille? You bet! Still, I dare you to keep looking at the picture above and not laugh. In fact, this may be the most inadvertently funny professional sports moment since the days of Pittsburgh Pirates outfielder Johnny Dickshot.

The Great Stone Face

You've got to give Colts head coach Jim Caldwell. He led his team to the Super Bowl after only one season. He's one of only a few first year coaches to accomplish such a feat. Not only that, he seems like a great guy who does a lot for the community.

Watching the game last week, though, I couldn't help but notice that Coach Caldwell's expression didn't change ever seem to change during the game. Saints coach Sean Payton is always animated on the sidelines. Coach Payton pumped his fists so many times during the game, I thought his arm would fall off. Caldwell, on the other hand, kept up the stone face routine. Check out a few pictures from the game to see for yourself.

Here's Jim Caldwell just after Peyton Manning threw a touchdown pass a 18 yard touchdown pass to Pierre Garcon in the first quarter.

Here's Jim Caldwell after the onside kick that the Saints recovered at the start of the second half.

Here he is after the Saints take a 16-10 lead near the end of the third quarter.

Here he is after Peyton Manning threw an interception to Saints defender Tracy Porter that was returned for a touchdown.

And, last but not least, here's Jim Caldwell after hearing that his wife was sleeping with his best friend.

No Caddy For The MVP

For a number of years, GM has awarded a new car to the Super Bowl MVP. As you may have heard, though, GM has fallen on tough times. For that and other reasons, this year's MVP, Drew Brees, is not going to get a new Cadillac. Even though Drew won't be getting one for free, Cadillac's PR director joked that he hoped Drew Brees would "..buy a Cadillac is he doesn't already own one." I think Drew should do it. From the looks of the video below, it looks like it may be time for Mr. Brees to trade in his current ride.

It was a great game, and a great season. Especially if you're a Saints fan. Now football is over for the next 6 months. That means I have to figure out what to do with my Sunday afternoons until next August.