Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Vajazzling Makes Me Want To VaVomit!

I learned a new word today. I'm pretty sure it's the most annoying, ridiculous thing I've ever heard of, and just the fact that there IS a word for this pisses me off. Today's secret word is: Vajazzle.

If you don't know what vajazzling is, it's basically a new fad in which women put rhinestones on their crotches.

Yes...that's right.


...On their crotches.

Think about it like this: Bedazzle+Vagina=Vajazzle.

Is there any doubt that those four horsemen will be showing up any day now?

I heard about this pop culture dog turd thanks to a nationally syndicated radio show that I like to listen to when I'm getting ready for work. Apparently, it's not a new phenomenon. A couple of months back, actress Jennifer Love Hewitt talked about bedazzling her "precious lady" during a talk show appearance. "It shined like a disco ball," Hewitt gleefully reported.

Like a good blogger, I spent the last hour shirking all work-related responsibility to do a little research on vajazzling. There are sites that call it out for the ridiculously idiotic concept that it is, sites instructing you how to vajazzle, and even one that calls it...I kid you not..."classy."

Do they mean classy in an ironic kind of way, or in a meth addicted 19 year old stripper wearing a halter-top that says "Classy Lassy" kind of way?

You know, there are a lot of people that say that Al Qaeda and other terrorist groups hate us because of our freedom, or because the average Westerner has so much disposable income. I used to think the same thing...Until today. They don't hate us because of our freedom, they hate us because we choose to do nonsense like this with our freedom and our money.

After today, I can't help but sympathize with the terrorists slightly.

Now before I get a bunch of letters and phone calls from the ACLU and Amnesty International asking for donations, let me say this: If I were president, water-boarding would be the least of a terrorists worries. If I were in charge, we would be strapping jumper cables to the nipples of the folks at Guantanamo and shooting a couple of hundred volts through them every morning before breakfast.

Still...I can't help but sympathize with them a little after hearing about this vajazzling nonsense. Think about it: Hundreds of thousands in these Middle Eastern countries don't have running water, they don't have jobs, they still go to the bathroom in a hole in their backyards.

Meanwhile, rich white American women have the time and money to get costume jewelry glued to their cooters!

Cue the Lee Greenwood music, because I'm proud to be an American!


  1. WTF? I totally agree that we could and should be spending our money on something other than our bedazzling our cooters. I'll say it again - WTF?

  2. That does it, I'm going to get shlongazzled.

  3. Yeah - I think it's pretty ridiculous, too. Of course, I also find it ridiculous that Jennifer Love Hewitt calls it her "Precious Lady." Seriously?

  4. @Dive Girl: WTF, indeed!

    @Chris: After a discussion with friends, we've determined that the correct, and funniest term, for it would be "Balldazzled."

    @Heather: Yeah, I thought "Precious Lady" was a little out there too. Then again, it's a more polite term than "cooter."